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The OK/OK Existential Position is one of the fundamental pillars of Transactional Analysis, as it describes how individuals can perceive themselves in relation to others, giving rise to states of trust, acceptance, and balance.
This view is not based on mere naive optimism, but on the idea that, although we have flaws and vulnerabilities, we are all “OK” in our essence, capable of growth and of forming healthy bonds.
This concept is grounded on the premise that we can recognize value and dignity both in ourselves and in others, regardless of inappropriate behaviors or specific limitations.
Thus, it is maintained that the way we see ourselves directly influences the collaboration or conflicts that arise in interpersonal relationships—whether in family settings, at work, or within specific communities.
When a person perceives themselves negatively (Not-OK) and also attributes a negative value to others (Not-OK), the potential for misunderstanding increases, as the foundation of trust is weakened.
For this reason, broadening this awareness and reaching an OK/OK life stance strengthens the capacity to make agreements, to manage conflicts without resorting to put-downs, and to uphold more transparent dialogue.
In practical terms, the existential position is not simply a mood state, but reflects a profound conviction about one’s own identity and about the place of others in the world.
For Eric Berne, it is essential for each individual to experience and seek the affirmation “I am OK”—which implies compassionate self-acceptance, not constantly blaming oneself for past failures, yet not ignoring responsibility for what can be changed.
Transactional Analysis therefore searches for an objective route to behavioral change, starting from the recognition that all individuals have intrinsic value.
When someone holds the belief “I am not OK, but you are OK,” submission or excessive dependency can arise, resulting in unbalanced relationships.
Likewise, “I am OK, but you are not OK” reduces the willingness for empathy and creates space for rigid judgments or authoritarian stances.
On the other hand, the premise “I am not OK, you are not OK” involves abandoning hope in any constructive potential in human interaction, favoring cynical or hostile dynamics.
Building or strengthening an OK/OK stance typically involves reflective analysis of the messages received during childhood, of the emotional records composing the Ego States, and of the psychological games in which we frequently engage.
Traditional education at times reinforces negative or punitive patterns, leading individuals to automatically see themselves as inadequate.
At this point, Transactional Analysis proposes a paradigm shift, in which therapy participants or group members are invited to identify their limiting beliefs, applying rational questioning to the evidence that either supports or refutes these convictions.
The proposal to transcend these negative impressions does not ignore adversity, but encourages development of the Adult, who assesses reality without resorting to judging oneself or others solely on the basis of flaws.
In this sense, the OK/OK Existential Position encourages compassion, constructive conflict resolution, and the strengthening of bonds based on equality of value.
Adopting an OK/OK stance does not mean that disagreements and criticism disappear.
On the contrary, it serves as a healthy framework for expressing discomforts and differences, since the intention is no longer to attack or to downgrade the other.
This enables more honest conversations, where each person recognizes the legitimacy of the other’s reactions.
In professional environments, this perspective enhances teamwork, as it minimizes the traps of psychological games, fostering greater collaboration and reducing defensive behaviors that tend to harm group processes.
Self-acceptance and acceptance of others do not eliminate the need to address personal or others’ mistakes: it is possible to point out issues without losing sight of the ongoing human pursuit of growth.
Such positioning also benefits the educational field, as students who feel recognized in their fundamental worth show greater willingness to learn, even when faced with criticism or corrective feedback.
The OK/OK Existential Position can be considered the foundation of truly assertive communication, in which messages are delivered without subterfuge or manipulation.
This perspective gains special relevance in leadership processes, in team management, or in therapy groups.
When the leader or facilitator communicates from a conviction of equal value, people sense greater security and acceptance, reinforcing the constructive exchange of ideas.
The theory developed by Eric Berne, and expanded by many contemporary transactional analysts, suggests that becoming aware of the beliefs we hold about our existential position—as well as that of others—may be key to revitalizing stagnant relationships and breaking cycles of conflict.
Discovering that being “OK” is an innate right helps to restore confidence in the human capacity to create more mature and, consequently, more rewarding relationships.
