A few days ago, I took part in an event with dozens of people, from different backgrounds, gathered by a common purpose and separated by distinct interests. From my observation point, I watched the movements, almost a choreography, of people each seeking their space of inclusion.

Inside my mental condominium, a similar choreography was taking place, perhaps slightly more lucid, because of my deliberate intention. I too was examining possibilities of welcome and acceptance.

Living and observing the phenomenon led me to think and reflect, including on the expansion of the human movement to large groups.

Belonging is one of the conditions of surviving, so serious that being excluded can feel like a small death.

A person feels they belong when they are recognized (perceived), validated, valued and respected in their singularity. It is important to remember that we humans learn in relationships. So, if the relational space is not safe for the person to happen and express themselves, the development process stalls to make way for processes of defense and survival.

We need one another biophysiologically. Social isolation makes people sick, draining from them spirit, enthusiasm, joy and, little by little, movement.

Now and then, a time of quiet and silence to think, contemplate and enjoy one’s own company is very good.

This seasonal isolation is extraordinary for those who have stable, meaningful relationships to return to. Because it is not the crowd around us that makes us feel included; belonging is closely tied to being understood.

In the eyes of the adults around me at the event, the agony of the inner child looking for close companions showed through. The festivities, all quite superficial, made the search easier. Here and there, a true encounter. It was a pleasure to see: eyes locked, long hugs, lingering conversations.

Hurry ends when belonging happens. The pleasant sensation of “this is my place” is almost impossible to contain in words.

Often, in these true encounters, feeling that you belong comes with a sigh of relief. To those watching, the relief floods the face. It is beautiful to see.

From my place of observation, I believe we need to know, after all, what we need. Because there is a great risk of being seduced by false inclusions that take us downhill, toward purposes that are not coherent with us.

If I am aware, if I know what will give me a sense of belonging, I can choose which group to approach. Of course this movement of awareness and search needs to happen in periods of emotional nurturing because, in scarcity, any company is company.

Absence of lucidity can generate extortionate behaviors to enter any group or remain in it. The image that haunts me is of a little ant with a saucer in hand, begging for crumbs of attention.

At the event, I found people of my well-belonging and, nourished by that unconditional love, I was able to protect myself from dangerous temptations.