In recent times, every day I clean up my social media. My capacity for tolerance, which is quite elastic, has never been so demanded. I intend to remain serene and able to analyze; therefore, measures to reduce the stimuli I receive are vital.

I feel I am navigating an ocean of dissonances. Cognitive dissonance, especially, evidenced by the distortions between speech, thought and action of leaders whose honest preaching coexists with lies, theft and extortion in practice, practices naturalized by frequency. Something that once meant a threat to honor is today, through frequency, seen as “normal” by anesthetized citizens.

Many actions, more properly called “scams,” were once presented as an imminent loss of credibility and of people’s respect. Today they are practiced in broad daylight, vouched for by “good citizens,” filmed and multiplied ad aeternum in the sophisticated mechanisms of the web.

It is not a phenomenon of modernity. Zeus, the all-powerful, used Hermes’ services for manipulations and obtuse actions in controlling humans, gods and demigods. These two characters of Greek mythology efficiently illustrate, with interesting meanings, the current scene, with the fast addition of technological dress. Yet the script is very similar. Not by chance, researchers of human behavior use the characters of mythologies and their stories to support understanding of the dominant species on Earth: Homo sapiens. Us!

Moral dissonance, another phenomenon quite present in acts, statements and posts, appears when a person acts very differently from their own frame of reference, especially regarding internal codes of ethics and morality. The discomfort is significant; under pressure from the community or external influences, the person bends, shrinking or discarding their own values to fit external demands. Some people manage to free themselves from this oppression, but I must consider that, for that, one needs a consistent foundation or access to information that strengthens critical thinking and a good support network, because the price of leaving is very high.

A confusion of values, codes of ethics and morality, parameters of mutual respect and collective awareness generates a wave of influence that reaches children and adolescents.

They watch the adults’ dynamics of living together and collect, still without resources to handle them, frighteningly toxic attitudes, communication and relationship patterns.

They pick up information that highlights racism, discrimination, justified violence, scams, cleverness, sometimes disguised as jokes at the edge of a soccer field or beside a barbecue grill. Or, what sends a chill down my soul, at the Sunday lunch table.

Another group of adults flees conversations on complex themes, denying the risks or thorny possibilities, handling the noble mission of guiding a child or adolescent without opening the possibility of examining the real with responsibility. These are children sheltered in adult bodies. In the intense search to sustain eternal youth, their psychic structures atrophy into eternally childish behaviors.

It is natural that these lost adults have neither time nor repertoire to dialogue with their children and with children in general, dialogues that could build a framework of non-negotiable rules, fundamental for coexistence among humans.

These disoriented children and adolescents are the ones who, in schools and living environments, commit bullying or are struck by it. This absurd violence, today accelerated by the speed of the networks, is not new either. It goes back to time immemorial. However, the defense of the physical and psychic integrity of children and adolescents is not very old. Until recently, the little ones were not regarded as personalities in formation and were at the mercy of adults’ abrasive behaviors. Many of these children are victims of every sort of violence, often legitimized from church pulpits. Many of these lost adults are in that category.

Violence committed by a child or an adolescent has a root. Except in pathological situations, which are a minority, that violence was gestated in coexistence with violent communities.

It is urgent to begin or expand the dialogue (dialogue!) among us adults and among children. The more opportunities we can create for them to see, hear and know one another, the greater the chances of widening the network of protection and care for the human in development.

On this agenda, it is fundamental to preserve the respect and dignity of the child and adolescent, at both ends of this violence. The problem is not the people; it is the behaviors. We must escape, as from an Egyptian plague, the temptation to attach labels (bully, weakling, brave, coward...). The dialogue must address, in a balanced way, what is non-negotiable in relationships; doing so calmly and with the ability to listen raises the chance of awareness.

A large share of violent children are under pressure from anguish, violence, impasses, doubts, anxiety and depression, and violence is the escape valve that replaces attention and dialogue. It is like a volcanic eruption: it explodes to relieve pressure. And it will do so toward the most fragile, because it will have examples recorded in its repertoire. The culture of shouting and cursing among siblings, fathers and mothers, neighbors and politicians swells as a resource in the developing brain.

Welcome the victim child and welcome the violent child. To the first, understanding, solidarity and joint creation of strategies to strengthen self-esteem and self-confidence. To the second, understanding and joint expansion of social skills. Both interventions should be based on dialogue and opportunities for practice. No pulpit or speeches.

Often, children or adolescents with potential for leadership, if not guided properly, will lead violent groups. Redirecting that capacity, supporting the functional development of that leadership, can neutralize the recognition obtained through violence by recognizing constructive actions.

Finally, and most important: practicing, teaching and cultivating empathic attunement. We have the structure for empathy, which will be functional when deliberately practiced. If each of us adults takes on the mission of bringing cognitive and moral values to the center of practice and, with the resulting coherence, connects empathically with children and adolescents, we can start a small tsunami of good.

I feel a bit repetitive when I write this, but here it goes: take good care of yourself in the meantime. Compassion for the inner child can be a lovely beginning of a mission!